13 months of insanity…

So my father passed away in March. Far too young and suddenly.

But he was the sort of man you couldn’t tell anything. He had all the answers. He had all the power. The sheer will to heal himself, he thought.

He never went to the doctor until he was in his sixties and then only a podiatrist until he landed in the hospital—septic.

He nearly died last year. My mom and I split the time with him in the hospital. He was so sick he didn’t remember half of what had happened. Plus he had six doc and three therapists rounding on him.

My sister phoned in a lot. She wanted to talk to every doc. Gave us questions. I felt like a servant and a secretary…(this is a truth space…in case you were wondering). Being a nurse, my sister had a lot of questions and opinions.

She’s also made the choice to move away. Convenient. She claimed she never thought about it. Okay…sure. My grandfather had been heavily dependent, ill off and on and lived to be 89.

Anyway, I have no guilt. I showed up. I was pissed off a lot of the time but Dad thought he knew better than everyone else. He’d play nice with the docs etc but he just wanted to get out. Well, when you ignore your health for a long time, it’s a long recovery.

Nearly 4 months of hospital sitting. My writing on total hold. My readers probably thought I’d abandoned them. My muse was a wreck crying in the corner. I needed to be creative to be somewhat happy and balanced. I was functional at best.

My swag piled up because I wasn’t sending it out to cons. I canceled cons. I was so tired coming home from the hospital, I didn’t care about cleaning the house. I paid the bills and did the bare minimum. Because there would be another day at the hospital…it felt like it never ended.

When he went home, it was worse on my mother. I helped some but in the last year, things have changed a lot in my life.

My writing was derailed. I managed to get two books out before things went downhill fast this year. Now he’s not sick…he’s gone and life has to go one. My writing, my road to recovery from the control and my weight and all of the bad stuff.

I want to be healthy, happy, and writing…lots of work to do.