You Have to Eat!

I drink on occasion. Half a glass of wine on a stressful day. A drink out with friends at a writer’s conference. Maybe two. I’m not a big drinker.

If I had to, I could never drink again. Wouldn’t bother me. Wouldn’t hurt my life or make me sad--really.

I’ve never done drugs…no, not even pot. I don’t need the munchies. Fat, remember….

The problem is, you HAVE to eat. If you don’t consume some basic calorie content daily, your body will go into starvation mode. It clings to what you’ve got like it’s a famine out there…that actually makes it harder to lose weight.

So while other addictions can go cold turkey. No more alcohol, drugs, or whatever…(heck docs can help make detox easier). But there is no such help for people who eat too much… Not eating is against human nature. Food is necessary to live.

Maybe it’s just my perspective. If my thing were alcohol, I’d probably think that was the worst thing to kick. But we don’t need that to live. The next closest thing to food is probably drugs where a person is in real pain. How do you treat the legit pain and not give them a high? Or feed the addiction?

Well, I’m trying to figure it out but all I can do is work on me. Try to find a food plan that I can stick to that isn’t too difficult or expensive (all the cheap easy food is bad for you).

Kids are pawns…and victims

No news here. Parents use kids. My dad did. If my mom had ever wanted to leave, and I remember one big fight. He threatened to keep the kids. She had no money. No power. No help. She couldn’t support the kids or hire a lawyer.

He threw it all in her face and made it very clear. It was his way or no way.

Wow….what an a$$. Sorry, the truth hurts sometimes. These aren’t divorced parents. They were married for 41 years.

My sister was in tears during that fight. I told her over and over mom wasn’t leaving. I’m only 3 ½ years older but it’s funny how with one kid, adults a lot of times forget kids listen to everything. I knew more. Had seen more. The parents hide it better later but I already knew. Mom had no alternatives. She wouldn’t leave her kids and dad got his way.

I feel bad. i feel guilty because she deserved a lot better than the way dad treated her. the way he modeled for us to treat people. He was so different in public than in private. It makes me sick to go that far back in my mind…no wonder I escaped into books.

Even historically, at least women were respected in some times. The regency era…Jane austen. It seemed like women were at least treated well but they couldn’t earn their own money or be independent. And they were ruled by their father, husband, son or even brother…they needed a man. So it was all manners…fake respect?

I guess there has never been a good time to be a woman. Maybe being overweight was a way to keep men away since I don't have good examples (first hand). Maybe food is just comfort? Of course I'd like the right guy but being financially independent--able to walk away if the guy turns into a jerk--that's critical. 

We should all be able to take care of ourselves because if we CAN'T, then others can and may take advantage of it. I'm sure not all men are bad and not all women are good. Each of us suffers from our own intense up-close experiences 

The Man is the Head of the House….? Sigh

Yeah, it’s true for some of us.

If you haven’t seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding, you should! Here’s the relevant clip

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJbC5AfxqPc

My dad was THE only head of the house. His word over road everything. To be transparent, he passed away last month and there is a lot of pent up feeling about him. He had HIS way and if you didn’t go along, he’d nag, belittle, and even demand you go along.

I’m an adult, yes. But the brainwashing starts young. I don’t like conflict. I don’t like fighting.

Reality check, couples…heck friends fight. But with my parents, a fight was pointless. Dad got his way.

Some people have no idea how stressful fighting is when the winner is predetermined and there is no compromise. No apologies. (Parents, please model this for your kids as well!)

This is pretty much how I want to react to conflict:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2DGlM9kN5M

The blender so you don’t hear it…my mom gave up fighting when I was pretty young but it was more a tug of war…

Here’s a dumb example. I’m in my SECOND home. I OWN as an adult. I had a pump bottle of antibacterial hand sanitizer in the kitchen. A big one. It was visible over the bar counter area. My dad said it looked TACKY.

I still get mad about that. It’s MY house…

Why should I get mad? It’s a comment. It’s decades of him getting his way. Decades of giving in to avoid the negativity heaped on anyone in that house who dared to go against him. As an adult it seems dumb but when it starts from birth…you really don’t know any different and have to break the urge to keep the peace.